Week 4 Recap: Keep the Devil Down in the Hole

BMuz Game of the Week

Mubarakstan University of Mubaraks (3-1) defeated Worcester Nation of Muazination (2-2)

Week 4 started with a bang for Muaz with a 70 yard TD for Stills, but ended with a whimper due to Cam leaving with an injury and John Kuhn vulturing three TDs from Mark Ingram.

Aasim rode breakout games from Will Fuller V (What is this dude, a Victorian era King?) and Fozzy Whittaker (What is this dude, a weird muppet?) to another win and is sitting on top of the Steph division.

Muaz’s got a forty degree day from the Cam/Kelvin combo.  He’ll need help from Stringer Bell and Luke Cage if he wants to take down Shaz this week.


Aasim by 18.9

Next up:

  • String (Muaz) gets blasted by Brother Mouzone (Shaz) in one of the biggest Week 5 mismatches
  • Aasim looks to continue his winning ways against Bakr

Games to Watch

Chicago 7-6ers (3-1) defeated Needham ‘Nstigators (1-3)

Sakib is the gift that just keeps on re-gifting. After putting up a paltry 74 points last week, Sakib barely cracked 80 points. Ace’s subpar game was masked by Sak’s craptastic lineup which included 5 players putting up 3 points or less. Sakib, get in that basement and do some “research” cause you are by far the worst team in our division.

The ‘Nstigators have dropped three straight after a surprise win against Sulreeb in week 1. Ace is on top of the division, but the Sheikh bros and Sulreeb may be the real teams to look out for.

Ace by 14.3

Next up:

  • Ace faces off against Roon to see who has the superior New England Tight End
  • Sakib and Usmani will see who can score less this week

Boston OakTrees (3-1) defeated Malden Cavaliers (0-4)

Okay, maybe it’s time for me to swallow my pride and admit that maybe Oak knows what he’s doing…Nah! Fuck that noise.  Melvin Gordon is due for some regression and Terrelle Pryor is, well, he’s Terrelle Pryor. Enjoy your second straight year of a hot start. We all know how this movie ends.

Meanwhile, Ebad continues to be the only winless team in BMuz.  What can I say about Ebad’s team that hasn’t already been said about Bubbles? Lovable guy, but a depressing situation. Hate hate hate hate.


Oak by 21.6

Next up:

  • Ebad matches up against Q, which promises to be the worst game of the week
  • Oak faces a difficult challenge against GOAT

Lexington Mughals (2-2) defeated Boston Baingans (1-3)

Le’veon and Charles are back, but it made no difference as Usmani lost another very winnable matchup against Ooze. The league loves to disrespect the Beg brothers, but they are sitting above the Lesser Usmani in the KD division. It may be time to for them to pass the torch to the Baingans.  

Ooze by 15.3

Next up:

  • Usmani squares off against Sak in what promises to be the second worst game of the week
  • Ooze will get smacked silly against the Double Terriers

Blowout Alert

New England Double Terriers (2-2) defeated Chelmsford Charawalas (2-2)

Julio Jones made up for his clunker of a game last week by going off like McNulty on a bender. Sulreeb continues to put up eye-popping numbers after another monster game from Demarco. But we should also give his opponent the respect they deserve.

Imad’s .500 record does not tell the real story about this team. They put up 114 points, which would have been enough to beat all but two teams this week, despite the following players on bye or injured; Eddie Lacy, Randall Cobb, Doug Martin, Corey Coleman, Darren Sproles, Nelson Agholor, and Ladarius Green.

Holy crap.  This team is scary and should be in contention for a ‘ship come December.


Sulreeb by 30.7

Next Up:

  • Imad looks to hand the Greater Usmani his first loss of the season
  • Sulreeb faces off against a Subzair squad that is somehow .500

Upset Alert

Bloomfield Cowboys (2-2) defeated Old Tappan J-E-T-S (3-1)

Shaz lost. I am happy Shaz lost. There is a direct correlation between my happiness and Shaz losing. (See chart below) That being said, I am looking forward to Shaz’s preview where he talks about how he is going to lose to Muaz in an effort not to lose to Muaz only to end up losing to Muaz. ‘Eat and D’, Shaz.

Q won. I am happy Q won because it means that Shaz lost. I don’t think Q’s team is that good. I am pretty indifferent towards Q winning or losing until he plays Shaz again.  


Q by 21.6

Next up:

  • Shaz is a heavy favorite against Muaz
  • Q plays against Ebad and they will probably combine for fewer points than Sulreeb

Other Games

Chappaqua GOATs (2-2) defeated Lowell Panthers (1-3)

Bakr talked a lot of mess as Matty Ice was carving through the Panthers secondary, but it was nothing more than talk as GOAT collected his second win of the young season.  

Bakr need to figure this out because he is yet to crack triple digits for the season.  You would think Brady coming back would help, but he already has the top fantasy QB in the league.  Maybe he can trade Brady to Oak for Spencer Ware.  #eyerollemoji


GOATS by 14.3

Next up:

  • Goats look to make it three wins in a row against Oak
  • Bakr will try to get back on track against Aasim

Dublin #McNuggets (4-0) defeated Pepperell Patriots (1-3)

The Greater Usmani remains undefeated despite ANOTHER subpar week.  It is very clear that this division is shit and Ayman is the least stinky out of the lot.

To date, Roon only has one game over 100 points and that will continue so long as Martellus Bennett continues to outperform Gronk. Did I mention that this division is shit? They are undeserving of any Wire quotes, references, or pictures.  

Greater Usmani by 9.5

Next up:

  • Ayman should catch his first L of the season against a stout Sheikh team
  • Roon and Ace face off in the battle of the New England TEs

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