Week 3 Recap: Nazrmania

BMuz Game of the Week

Chicago 7-6ers (2-1) defeated New England Double Terriers (1-2)

Well, that was unexpected. Led by Marvin Jones and Demarco Murray, the Double Terriers pulled out a 60 point lead heading into the late afternoon games. As is the league’s wont, Ace accepted defeat via WhatsApp in a desperate attempt to conjure up some nazr. It worked. The 7-6ers’ marquee players slowly chipped away at the lead on their way to a 90 point blitzkrieg from 4:30 pm to 7:15 pm. No shows from Julio Jones and Brandin Cooks cancelled each other out resulting in another tough loss for the Double Terriers.

The Double Terriers have a losing record and are sitting in eighth place despite having the third highest points tallied after three weeks. Sedated Ace says good game. Regular Ace says GFY.

Ace by 13.9

Sleep tight, Sultan.

sulreeb-ace

Next up:

  • Ace faces off against Sak’s lineup of backup RBs.
  • Sulreeb are heavy favorites against an underwhelming Charawala squad.

Games to Watch

Chappaqua GOATs (1-2) defeated Bloomfield Cowboys (1-2)

Q pretty much put up an abortion of a team against Hasan. 6 players scored less than 3.5 pts and 3 of those scored 0 or fewer points! Q started Fitzy who actually gave Hasan 12 points. Your team is not swag.

What a way for Goat to get his W. There are still some serious underachieving players on this team and he can’t bank on the Chiefs D to get him 30 plus points a game.

Goat by 94.9 (WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK)

poop

Next up:

  • Goat looks to get to .500 against Bakr.
  • The Bloomfield Abortions will catch an L against Shaz.

Dublin #McNuggets (3-0) defeated Lexington Mughals (1-2)

The Greater Usmani remains undefeated despite a sub par week. He may not have a lot of depth, but he keeps winning and is running away with his division. #sremmlife

Meanwhile, Ooze Subhan put up another stinker.  In the past few weeks he traded away the top scoring defense to Oak (who subsequently dropped them) and Desean Jackson. People are asking questions about Subhan’s seriousness. (That person is Shahzad after he tried to kibosh my trade with Subhan. #snakeemoji).  

Greater Usmani by 26.5

rae

Next up:

  • Ooze looks to rebound against a struggling Usmani.
  • The Greater Usmani should be able to remain undefeated against Roon.

Chelmsford Charawalas (2-1) defeated Needham ‘Nstigators (1-2)

Let’s remind everybody of what I predicted in last week’s post: Next up: Imad will get a W against Sak because Darren Sproles will undoubtedly put up more points than Ryan Matthews.  (You’re your own worst enemy, Sak)

Ryan Matthews scored -0.5 points and Darren Sproles put up 20.9 points. That made all the difference in this game.  But don’t get too excited Sheikh brothers. You put up a lousy 91 points and still somehow got the W. That won’t cut it in this division.

Imad by 16.6

Next Up:

  • Ryan Matthews is mercifully on a bye week so maybe Sakib can start a RB that will put up positive points against Ace.
  • Imad won’t have Sproles or Agholor in their attempt to take down the third highest scoring team in Sulreeb. 

Upset Alert

Old Tappan J-E-T-S (3-0) defeated Lowell Panthers (1-2)

Shaz is #blessed. He loses AP and you think this is the beginning of the end, but then he trades for Freeman who goes off for 28 pts. Man, I hate this guy and his ability to fall into fantasy gold year after year.

Meanwhile, Bakr is making several bizarre roster moves. He has the top scoring fantasy QB on his bench and suspended Brady is ready to return to weeks, then he adds Joe Flacco? What the hell? Go get replacements for Langford and Foster…

Shaz by 40.7

Next up:

  • Shaz will drop a hot load on Q.
  • Bakr will look to continue his sub-100 point streak against Goat.

Other Games

Mubarakstan University of Mubaraks (2-1) defeated Boston OakTrees (2-1)

Oak came back down to earth 2 weeks earlier than expected. Bounce back games from Carlos Hyde and Emmanuel Sanders led Aasim to a 50 point drubbing of the OakTrees.

No need to fear though – Oak panic traded Sammy Watkins for Terelle “Are these tattoos free?” Pryor.  I guess nobody told Oak that Josh Gordon is coming back in two weeks, or that Cody Kessler is playing QB, or that gadget players don’t last in the NFL.

The good news for Oak is that Melvin Gordon has scored 4 TDs in his first 3 games this season after scoring 0 TDs and fumbling 40 times last season. The bad news?  The Steph division is stacked and Aasim and Muaz have better talent.  

Aasim by 50

d4a

Next up:

  • Oak should bounce back against a hapless Cavaliers team.
  • Aasim and Muaz will battle it out for 1st place in the division.

Worcester Nation of Muazination (2-1) defeated Malden Cavaliers (0-3)

Ebad could not take advantage of Kelvin Benjamin’s doughnut as Muaz got an easy W against a Cavaliers team that just can’t figure it out. Muaz’s 3 RBs put up 70 pts compared to just 30 pts for Ebads RBs.

The season is slipping away from Ebad and may be time for the ‘A-quad’ to take co-ownership (or full ownership) of his team.

Muaz by 18.2

Next up:

  • Ebad will face off against the undisputed #1 WR in the NFL (Terrelle Pryor).
  • Muaz goes up against Aasim, who is apparently still in this league.

Pepperell Patriots (1-2) defeated Boston Baingans (1-2)

Well, I talked a lot of shit about Roon’s team last week and apparently he needed the bulletin board material.  Gronk put up a zero and it did not matter.  Strong performances by Drew ‘Roster Pool’ Brees, the Patriots D, and Terrelle “Oak thinks I’m better than Sammy Watkins” Pryor helped Roon to his first W.

Usmani desperately needs his star RBs to get healthy and stop smoking weed or this season is going to slip away in a hurry.

Roon by 49.4

Next up:

  • Usmani will face off against whatever Subhan is doing with Uzair’s team.
  • Haroon will look to upset the Greater Usmani.

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